How to set goals / 21st July 2024

And how to stick to them

It's a strange time to discuss New Year's resolutions based on how far into the year we are, but they provide a baseline for discussing expectations. Resolutions with deadlines invoke unnecessary pressure. The more specific the resolution, the higher the pressure. It may be pressure we didn't intend to place on ourselves, but it is still pressure. Setting strict goals can lead to a sense of failure and leave our progress uncelebrated. Promising yourself that you're going to do a big thing that doesn't adhere to time within a specific time is a promise that is born half-broken. Saying that in 2024, I am going to gain a hundred thousand followers and walk five thousand miles is setting yourself up for disappointment. We are the negotiators of the impossible, but some impossible is just too stubborn for our altering.

That isn't being said to instill doubt in you, but those are high expectations. In terms of followers on a social media platform, you cannot guarantee a specific increase. Reworking your goal to be that you will grow your following is more achievable. How we set goals is essential to completing them. Moving the goalpost and adding milestones is fine, but beginning at too high of a point tends to mean we quit before we get halfway. Take, for example, somebody who wants to get back into reading. Setting 100 books in a year might seem ambitious, but 10 is more achievable. Once the 10 has been achieved, you can then push onto 20 and so forth. Starting at gaining ten followers and then fifty and then one hundred is allowing yourself to succeed and feel some form of gratification. We must put on a parade for all our successes, even the little ones. Many try to leap over the beginning, but we must begin small. The tree was once seed & houses are made from multiple bricks to form a singular structure. The goals we set are bricks, and it takes time to construct a house and longer to convert it into a home. I see an influx in the desire for instant gratification. The demand for immediate satisfaction instead of slow and steady growth. Realism is a third important factor, and the more time we contribute to our crafts, the better we get. Whatever you do, you will only get better the more you do it. To set a goal stating that you will improve in a specific area is realistic as long as you dedicate time to said area. If you want to improve your writing, you must simply write more. I have met poets who are angry over the lack of publication but have only written a handful of poems in their lifetime, and they are only months into their journey. Things take time and work.

I am only confident in my writing because of the time I have put into it. I have written terrible things, taken stuff onto the stage and got zero reactions, and even now, some poems land differently than I expected, so I have to take them away and work on them. Expecting yourself to be good at something immediately is unrealistic, but you can achieve anything you put the hours into. Some poems take hours, some take days, and some ruminate for months. I have more unfinished writing than I have completed, and that's okay because I understand my process and will complete it in time. Setting goals for yourself is essential to growth, but how you set them can make them valuable or damaging. The rule of thumb is that if it feels like a chore, then it likely isn't your calling. I write poetry, and there are times when it drives me to madness, but it is a madness I have come to crave. Writing has always been special to me, so I put in a lot of work and made it something I could build a career out of. With the rise of KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) and the increase of places to submit your work, there seems to be less concern being put into the actual creation and more of a rush towards the reward. Of course, this doesn’t apply to everybody but things do seem to be heading in the quickfire direction. Sometimes I write half a poem and I am so eager to get it out that I have to fight the temptation to end it quickly. I remind myself that the back half of the poem deserves to be as good as the front. My mind is a constant rush-hour traffic of thoughts and to not buckle to the false urgency of my thinking is something that took a long time to learn.

If you are trying to make changes in your life then make them realistic. Be gentle with yourself by allowing yourself to be triumphant. If you feel lost then know you will be found and you will figure it out but typically, hurrying doesn’t make things change faster. If you want a new job then don’t tell yourself you will get a new job by September, say you will redo your resume and apply for a job. If you get to the interview but they don’t hire you, remember the interview is an accomplishment. I know what it is to feel like you want to become so much more than you are and the most important skill to hone is patience. Wherever you envision yourself, you will get there but quit setting such harsh deadlines and scheduling your own disappointment. It might take longer than you expect but it could also happen sooner. Just keep working at whatever it is that you’re working on and keep believing you can go anywhere and become anything because you can. There will be obstacles and there will be setbacks but I have had some great conversations waiting for the tow truck and I learned that you probably shouldn’t speed into the pothole. Whatever you want, it is yours! Keep working and keep celebrating every lilypad you land on while making it across the pond. Sound off in the comments, I will see you down there.

I am unsure if you enjoy listening to soundtracks especially if they’re horror but if you do or if you aren’t sure, you should try this one out. The titles don’t give spoilers to the movie so you’re safe.

What About Worry? /17th July 2024

Today we meet Madison Rene

We are back with another what about worry? And today we get into a discussion with Madison Rene. As always,m if you want to support what I do even more, hit the subscribe button below. Let’s get into this.

Hello. Are you happy to share your name, and would you like to share anything about yourself?

Of course, my name is Madison Rene', but typically, I go by Sincerelybluejay. I am a poet and barista suffering from the most severe case of life. Okay, but seriously, I've never been diagnosed with anything, but I've had my fair share of big emotions and hard moments - stress and anxiety from everyday living.

I feel like everybody suffers from a little anxiety, which is what prompted this series, so I want to ask, how much of a part does anxiety play in your life?

So I feel like, in one regard, I was incredibly lucky I had an incredible mother who always taught me art and community and would help me wherever I was going through something. So, I've always gone to poetry, art, museums, and other people when I felt anxious or anything else, and then it became a part of my routine and day-to-day life. But on the other, something happened in my life at the end of last year, and my routine changed completely - it was at that time that I realized just how anxious I really am. Does that answer the question?

I feel like the beauty of this series is that everybody seems to veer off slightly, but they always manage to answer the question. Side tangents are welcome. From what you said, are you a heavily routined person?

There are things I do more or less every day or every week, but I also leave myself time to explore and follow my heart/instincts/inspiration.

What would you say the effects of anxiety are for you?

Physical discomfort is the most noticeable: my chest gets tight, and my breathing is more difficult. Also, I lose a lot of sleep to anxiety as well. Spending so much time either looking for solutions or getting carried away with all the things that could be outcomes of whatever induced the anxiety

The less sleep we get, the harder it is, but it doesn’t let us sleep. It’s a very cruel cycle. What have you found helps you deal with anxiety?

So, going back to what I said about my mother, she did a really great job of encouraging me to follow my passions for art and a better world. I read some of my favorite poetry, and I call my friends. I go to museums and see what others did with their worries and fears and all those other big emotions. And, of course, I write poetry myself.

Do you have a favourite museum or a museum bucket list?

Oh yes, to both. I really love the Norton Art Gallery in Shreveport, Louisiana. And even though it's not known worldwide or making waves, I love how there's something for everyone. A room full of first edition and rare books, a series of gardens with our door art, interactive art for kids, local and historical art, and honestly just so much, and it flows beautifully and is always a joy to me. And the bucket list is so long, but I'm chipping away at it little by little.

I think you could put anything in a museum and it would immediately become more interesting. I’d see anything in a museum, so I totally understand the appeal. I know you’re big on community and doing writing marathons for twenty-four hours and beyond. Do those events calm you or have any effect on your anxiety?

I'm thrilled you asked this because I get versions of it all the time! I am a little anxious leading up to them because I'm always afraid I don't have enough content lined up or about what I'm going to do to motivate myself between like 3-6 am when no one is really in the audience. But during and after, I'm always calm and amazed at what an incredible community I have and what we're able to do for the world when we come together.

It is a lot of content to create, but it is truly beautiful that you do that. I think art gets such a good image for being calming, but there are parts of it that are anxiety-inducing. Focussing on the calming, do you have any books you return to for calming effect?

Oh, absolutely one of my go-to’s, and I shout this out everywhere, is ‘I Wrote This For You’ by Iain s. Thomas. But I also go to a collection of E. E. Cummings works as well, and depending on what caused the anxiety, I also find a lot of comfort in Emily Dickinson's work.

There is a calming element to their style, sure! Do you have any advice for anybody struggling with anxiety?

I definitely recommend trying things out before committing to anything - just because it works for someone else doesn't mean it will work for you. But also if you're in this community and you're reading this, you're creative, so don't be afraid to let what you're feeling fuel some of your art. Even if it never sees the light of day. I find it's that freedom to feel and exist so wholely and completely that it often makes me feel my best at the end of the day.

There is a strange pressure to share everything you write, but you are right; art can be purely for ourselves. This reminds me of how you don't edit your poems. Is this so they keep the rawest qualities, and how much of your writing is put out?

That's true I don't really like to edit my poems because the more I think about them, the less authentic they become and also, I feel like if a poem is too polished, it doesn't really help anyone it doesn't do what I am aiming for my work to accomplish. There are poets who create fantastic polished pieces, and that works well for them, but their goals I think, are very different from my own. As for how much of what I write is actually shared, let's put it this way I go through 82 Moleskine journals a year (before I switched to an iPad), and while I do try to share a few pieces a week across all my platforms and I'm pretty on track for a full collection a year and a chapbook a year, there's still so much that either hasnt been shared yet or simply won't be.

Are you in the poetry club ‘IF I DON’T WRITE I WILL EXPLODE?’

I don't know if I'd put it like that, but I do ALWAYS have things I want to write and ideas I want to play with. And if I don't at least get it onto a page or a note or whatever, I genuinely mourn the life it could have had. Dramatic, I know, but who isn't from time to time?

I think that is a poet trait for sure. Do you have anything else you'd like to share or say to anybody reading this?

Just thank you so much for your time, and if you're reading this you're likely human you're bound to be anxious or worried or maybe even terrified from time to time but you're not alone and I for one am here for you.

Thank you so much. It has been a joy having you.

Thank you for having me!

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You can find Madison Rene on Instagram and find out about everything she has going on by clicking here.

The Off Week / 14th July 2024

A little talk about feeling pride

I am not a huge believer in New Year's Resolutions, and I have discussed before how they can feel like unnecessary pressure. I am also not a fan of years being something used to define an achievement. For example, 2024 is going to be my year! Or 2024 is the year I will finally achieve this tricky thing. This can lead to disappointment, depending on how we set our goals and expectations. Next week, I will talk about this in more detail. Saying that 2024 has been successful in hindsight. I am finally getting to a place I have longed to get to. I am achieving things I only dreamt of a few months ago. It is impressive how such little time can alter so much of a life. There is a certain tiredness that feels earned. The sort of tiredness that you can get a sense of pride for. This is where I have been at. On the topic of pride, either ask yourself these two questions or ask a friend or a family member and discuss these questions together. It works better as a conversation starter and allows you to spend quality time with people. The following questions also work in a group setting. Remember to listen actively and enquire more about the answers given.

Where have you felt a sense of pride in yourself recently?

Where have you felt a sense of pride for somebody else recently?

Asking questions will become the norm during the off week. Questions to start in-depth, meaningful conversations. Ensure you do these via voice and not text. Preferably in person, but over Facetime or Zoom works just fine. Last Thursday, I managed to sell out a poetry show I organised, and I felt great pride in that. I provided a warm and welcoming space for artists to share their work and feel comfortable being vulnerable. I gave a stage to others, and the poets were honest; they shared some deeply personal stuff, and I was proud of that for them, also. It isn’t easy sharing those parts of yourself and being able to see that is wonderful and very pride fulfilling. For this week also, as always, be gentle with yourself and set yourself achievable goals. For example, I will find time to read two chapters of my book or take five minutes daily to drink tea in silence. These little things greatly affect our health so try your best to make time for them. Think long and talk open about the pride you feel also. Try these questions on different people and see where the conversations take you. Allow yourself to barrel off track and let yourself follow the natural order. Take care of yourself, and I will see you next week to discuss goals and achievements. As always, sound off in the comments because I love hearing from you.

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Instead of a 3x3 today, I thought I would share a page from We Are All Dead. You can read the collection in full at this link or on Amazon.

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Wunderhorse is easily becoming one of my favourite bands. They recently released this song, and it sounds incredible. Their new album comes out on August 30th, and I am counting down the days.

How to be chaotic / 7th July 2024

and why you should be

Chaos, often misunderstood, actually harbors positive elements. We discuss the chaos before the calm, suggesting that one is bad and the other is good, but reality dictates that chaos isn't always bad. When we think of chaos, several synonyms appear in our brains: disorganization, bedlam, mayhem, etc. It is in the commotion that many feel unsure about, and it is in the unsure that makes many feel uncomfortable. The chaos suggests that we don't know what will happen next. There is an unhinged unpredictability that many struggle to stomach. Chaos is a breeding ground for anxiety, and numerous phrases depict chaos as the villain, but what if I were to tell you that chaos isn't all bad? Can you, without my input, think of the positives of chaos? I am drawn to the chaotic nature of all things because it is within the chaos that anything is possible. The chaotic side of anybody is volatile but also fascinating because there are endless possibilities.

I revel in the chaos as much as I do in the calm. In my creative spaces, when I'm fleshing out an idea or brainstorming, the best ideas emerge from chaos. They stem from many ideas colliding and gradually converging into a single concept. Brainstorming in a chaotic environment is something I enjoy and thrive on and need for my best output. I have friends I can debate with on ideas for hours, and it only becomes better through that honest chaos. While chaos has a negative side, I'm focusing on the positive. Positive chaos must be truthful, propel you forward, and not keep you stagnant. We've all been in the chaos of an argument that goes in circles and gets nowhere, but a good chaos propels you. Some things in life need certainty for the sake of my mental health, but in specific situations, uncertainty can be a thrilling experience.

My stage performance is chaos because, to me, the stage is where I leave the world outside and create a new one inside. There is always space for poetry about the outside world within the performance I am doing, but to truly let go and help an audience let go is what I love the most. To be the uncertainty and to keep them guessing about where the performance is going next makes me the happiest. We are surrounded by such tragedy, and there is a harshness to this world that aches long into the night and beyond. I want to be on the side of the things that help you forget those things for a little while. Chaos can improve a performance and a performer. Chaos can blur reality if it dares be chaotic enough. I also want to acknowledge that it isn't ignorance to want to escape everything for a little while. Just because you take time to think about yourself and care for yourself doesn't mean you care less about anything; it means the opposite. Everything in life requires rest. We cannot operate at a constant thousand miles an hour, and if we try, we will burn out, and we won't be good for anybody, especially ourselves.

I enjoy taking early morning drives on Saturdays, visiting farmer's markets, and eating pastries while gazing at the barely-risen sun. I love the kind of nights where you can hear the stars holding their breath. I adore a room filled with nothing but laughter and a queue of jokes on the tongue. Don't get me wrong, I love the calm. I cherish a book and a blanket with classical music playing in the background as the steam rises from a cup of peppermint tea. I love winter with layers and the sound of fresh snow under my boots. The sort of sound that echoes eternal. I love gentle things, but there's something about chaos, too. About a bar dance or an Irish jig. About punk music and a mosh pit. About people letting their passion catch fire and a room erupting into a creative free-for-all. I want to visit haunted houses and get chased by people holding chainsaws. I want the chaos and the calm, and I don't want either one to maintain priority. I want to stop casting shadows on chaos as if it shouldn't be allowed into the light because chaos can have a calming effect.

Everything in life requires a balance, and I'm not saying the calm is bad. I want to highlight that chaos isn't always an awful place to be. Not knowing what is about to happen can sometimes lead to the best things happening. We can find peace and reassurance within this balance of chaos and calm. People often talk about calm as if it is the only thing we need, but the chaos showcases a different part of us and a different part of life. Chaos is sometimes the release we need before we feel calm. Chaos is sometimes the road to peace.

In summary, let the wild find you, and you find the wild. Give in to the crazier part of life. Go to the sports game just for the chants, go to a concert to dance, try something new, and embrace the chaos. You never know; it might be more calming than the calm.

Sound off in the comments, and I will see you down there.