Hey everybody. Welcome back to ‘what about worry?’ Today I got to interview a friend from New Zealand and talk about parties and classes and Beyonce. If you want to support this newsletter a little more, please hit the subscribe button below. Now let’s strap in and let’s do this.
Firstly, are you happy to share your name, and would you like to share anything about yourself?
The name is Quinn! She/They pronouns, and I’m a part-time writer and full-time corporate bitch with ADHD and depression, but I don’t let it stop me from being THAT bitch 💅🏻 PERIOD.
As I know you a fair bit, I can confidently say that is the most Quinn answer ever. As a two-parter question, how much of a part does anxiety play in your life, and how does it affect you?
I feel like I have a lot of social anxiety more than anything else. In unfamiliar places with new faces, I tend to look for a dog to pat, or if there’s food, I just set myself up at the grazing table because I find it hard to introduce myself to new people. I think the biggest way it impacts me is that it holds me back from creating more connections and new friendships. It can be quite lonely.
Is there any way of explaining how it would feel at a party having the pressure of talking to strangers loom over you?
I think there are two very opposite fears:
1. I’m not going to be interesting to talk to, and people won’t like me
2. The person I end up talking to isn’t interesting, and I’ll be stuck talking to a boring person
I struggle to be interested in what most people have to say, but I also crave connection and friendship.
You have so many interesting things going on in your life that it shocks me that you’d think that about yourself. Do you think we build habits to keep ourselves safe from anxiety but, in turn, build habits to keep ourselves lonely? (whether that be accidental or purposeful)
100% we do! I’ve definitely made a habit of being on my phone just pretending to be busy if I’m waiting for a class to start when I could put my phone down and stop pretending to say hi to someone, but that’s scary.
Do you ever have moments where you conquer this? The friends you do have how did they get over this obstacle?
Sometimes! I feel like I can pick up on if someone else is feeling this way, and if they are, I’ll usually make the first move and say something like an observation about what’s going on around us and start the conversation.
The friends I have…hmmm, I think honestly they were just brave and they put themselves out there. It takes bravery to conquer these feelings.
Making friends is much harder than it sounds. I know you do a lot of classes. Do you think you’d attend a class dedicated to making friends, or would that create too much anxiety?
I definitely would! I think the other thing I’m trying to remind myself of is just because me and another person ended up in the same space, like a dance class, doesn’t mean we’re always gonna be a good match to be friends, and that’s okay.
Finding friends is a lot like dating; you have to meet a lot of people before you find the ones you click with and feel a connection with.
I think classes make good icebreakers because there’s a likelihood you have at least one shared interest, but as you said, friendship is more than one shared interest, and it’s okay not to connect with everybody. Circling back, earlier, you talked about dogs as a coping mechanism of sorts. Are there any other things that help you cope with anxiety, whether that’s social or otherwise?
Yes! Great question! Music is a BIG one. I love to listen to music almost 24/7, on my phone, in the car, when I sleep, and when I work out. I also definitely use humour as a crutch and love to tell jokes or be weird when I’m feeling anxious.
Side note question: what is the song you have on repeat lately?
Definitely Lonely Dancers by Conan Gray, and I also can’t get Texas Hold ‘Em by Beyoncé outta my head. Oh and Red Wine Supernova by Chappell Roan.
Beyoncé went country, and I have to say, I’m all here for it. One last question before you go: do you have any advice for those going through anxiety, whether it be social or otherwise?
Be gentle with yourself. People are usually nicer than you think, and we’re all just trying to live our lives to the best of our abilities. Find what works for you by trying stuff out and don’t be afraid to share that with others, as you might find you’re able to help or inspire people that relate to you.
That’s wonderful advice. Thank you so much for your time and vulnerability.
Anytime friend! ✨
If you want to find Quinn on Instagram her handle is @shewolfinspace - who knows, you might even become internet friends! She is as nice as she seems. If you want to say anything about this interview whether it is just a thank you or a Beyonce love fest, comment below. I always love hearing from you.