Hey everybody. As I mentioned, if you want to be involved in this but don’t want your name on the interview, that is also okay. This is somebody I have had a few conversations with, and they provided some really fun insights and glances into their life living with anxiety. As always, hit subscribe if you want to support me a little more. Let’s get into this.
Who are you, and what is it you do?
I would like to remain anonymous during this interview, but I can tell you that I am female, and I love lasagne.
Who doesn’t?
Happy people?
Hold up. Would you associate lasagne a sad food?
There is something sad about it. It is to depression what ice cream is to heartbreak.
I can strangely understand what you mean. I will move on from this abruptly, or we’ll talk about sad foods for too long.
Great call.
So, onto the questions about worry: how does anxiety affect you?
I do this odd thing where I hold my breath. It’s like I am trying to drown myself on land. I call myself a loner like it’s cool, but realistically, I am just scared to introduce myself to anybody. I have friends, but I spend more time believing I am a burden than actually being good for them. I think ‘good for them’ is the wrong phrasing, and I just mean that I don’t think I am fun to be around. Even now, I am worrying that I am not answering the question correctly.
I think you answered the question just fine, but there are no strict guidelines here. Go off on side tangents, talk about steam trains; it is all welcome.
Thank you. I don’t know much about steam trains, though.
Now, that is a shame. Honestly, you sound great to be around, but can anything help you not feel this way?
My friends are understanding, and in an odd way, that’s frustrating and makes me feel I don’t deserve them more, and I feel like I am constantly the odd one out. I have imposter syndrome in everything I do.
It sounds like a pressure you’re putting on yourself that you don’t feel you can control, stopping you from enjoying anything. Is that correct?
That is it. Alone, I am great, and I draw lots of pictures and by text I can converse really well, but in person, I am the quiet kid in the corner with a lot to say.
Do you think it is also environment-based? I am much more conversational at home or in quiet places, but I am in shutdown mode if it is loud or too busy.
Now you say it, yes. My only complaint with my friends is that they always want to do something in places I don’t really want to be. It is loud or busy. Smaller groups in quieter places sounds blissful.
Imagine we are in a library, and we got a good PB&J; what book would you be reading?
A murder mystery because that seems to be all I have read for the last few years.
Is that one of the things you’d say, ‘stops the panic’?
As I am anonymous for this interview, I will tell you a secret. I write out little murder mysteries one person plays and act them out in my living room. I think the reading is the inspiration.
You saying ‘I am not fun to be around’ has officially aged terribly.
I don’t think it is egotistical to say that I believe I am fun I just feel compressed around people. This standard of normality in society hovers over me. The biggest realisation or epiphany that I have had is that I have to be myself and find a way to stop caring about what other people think. A lot of who I am and how I act is a reflection of the self-love I lack, but your newsletter (small plug) has been one of those places teaching me that I am good enough and I should be loved for me.
You are now answering questions I haven’t even asked yet, which is fantastic.
I want your job.
I believe it’s yours. Are there any other things that stop the panic, and do you have any advice for anybody going through anxiety?
As I said earlier, drawing and the usual walking, and breathing exercises. I think we just need to be ourselves and not be ashamed of our needs. I am already reflecting on needing to be in quieter spaces, and I have never put that first, which is silly now that I think of it. Speaking anonymously, I am unsure if my friends are my real friends or just people I cling onto for comfort or to try and make myself less lonely. That isn’t to say they aren’t good people, they really are, but I don’t know if we have the connection I long for. I guess another thing I would say is to be honest, even if the truth sucks.
I have autism, and I totally understand that. Please write me into one of your plays if I am ever where you are.
If you are ever in town, swing by, and I will happily murder you.
I would be honoured. Also, saying hard truths out loud is a skill within itself. Maybe you haven’t found your people, and I think we can use people as shields for our loneliness, but admitting that is a difficult thing, and I applaud you for that. Thank you for such honesty, and I am confident you will find people who feel more like home.
Thank you for having me. I had a lot of fun.
As did I. I will see you soon in the lasagne shop.
I am there every Friday.
Do you have any opinions on lasagne or other sad foods? Do you have something to say about this interview? Sound off in the comments.
This one is one of my fav interviews ever! Lasagne is such a comfort food to me and I love that they perform one person murder mystery plays in their living room. These interviews are so important and I love it.
Begs such the question…
Are said “lasagne” mentioned in the interview like those meat pies in Sweeney Todd?
Lasagne to die for🩸