It wouldn't real complete if I didn't talk about fear this week. I'm not talking cheap jump scare fear or the trick or treat sort, I'm talking about the fears we feel inside, shove down and keep hidden. Today I wanted to do a proper newsletter on the scary world and the monsters within it. Fear is a strange thing. Stranger than the word irrational seems so closely linked to it. I have never understood why we must label what scares us illogical. We don't name our humour irrational funny or our joy irrational happy but truthfully, does logic have anything to do with how we feel? I laugh at some pretty peculiar things and we analysed it deep down to the core we'd probably find the word 'irrational' is strangely fitting. Let us firstly dismiss the term illogical before we carry on and remove the idea that what you're scared of is 'dumb' or 'ridiculous'. Dope.

Now we've done that let us continue. Fear is a strange thing because of how unique and interlinked it is simultaneously. How alone we can feel within it. Fear in the opening up and honesty. Scared to say how we feel because of how it'll be received or how it'll make us appear. I'll shift the focus to mental health and how I've seen too much fear in the admittance. People too scared to say they are not doing okay or the day isn't going great for countless reasons. Weakness is an oddball of a thing. The fear of appearing weak for being human even odder. It goes perfectly alongside feeling you have to hide who you are in fear of being rejected but in reality, if there's anybody who can't handle you being you then there's a high chance they aren't your people. Which can be a snowfall of a fear in itself, admitting the people around us aren't the people we need or want to be around. A decade ago I had dozens of people who I called friends and I would open up to them and they'd tell me to have a drink or 'man up' (which is one of my least favourite phrases of all time but we ain't here to discuss that'. It took me an awful long time to realise it wasn't my crowd and I suddenly went from a socially active, big friend grouped person to being on my own. And choosing to be alone was petrifying. However, here I am with much fewer friends, feeling more understood, listened too and most importantly more happy. There is such a freeing feeling that comes with being able to be yourself without restriction and this is one example of many. And no two situations are the same which makes your problems totally unique and it means people can only understand to a certain level. Then there are the smaller fears, the bugs, the heights and the clowns. I could talk about this forever but instead today I want you to do a strange thing. Find an empty room and fill it with all of your fears and then leave the room. Walk in and loudly announce 'I am scared ____’. Whether the rest of that sentence is 'I am scared my cat will eat my toes whilst I sleep' or 'I am scared this project is too big for me' or 'I am scared we won't we won't be able to afford rent next month' or 'I am scared that because I gave the spider a name, he will never leave'.

Share the hush

Whatever it is, let it leave your body. Let yourself hear it. And if your fear is people accepting you for you whether that's sexuality or a diagnosis of some kind, walk in that room and announce it. If you can't be loud, whisper it. Get it out into the world. Tell the universe that you're depressed and it's scary. Tell the universe that you're gay and you are worried about acceptance. Your true self is your best self and you not only deserve to be that person but you deserve to be surrounded by people who love you for your true self. There is so much to fear in this world, just remember you aren't alone in any situation. Yours might differ slightly but there are people who get it. I am still scared of spiders and scared I will never become what I am capable of but the one thing that always helps is having people who will take the weight of my fear and lessen it slightly. Be it a glass and a cup of paper or a long squeezy hug. Go into that room and let it out now. And it might be scary but you are totally brave enough and you can absolutely, without a doubt do this. Stay safe, homies.

Share

Here is a prompt too that runs perfectly alongside all of what I just said. Use the first line ‘I am scared’ and write some 3x3s. Three words per line over three lines. Here are some examples:

Here is one song called fear that’s fitting and then it made me think of LIFE by Teddy Swims that uses the same concept. Have both.

See you tomorrow for spooky Saturday

Ash. X