At the weird table last week I asked everybody who attended to introduce themselves in a poetic form. The results were spectacular. Personality managed to shine through and not only was the poetry good but we got a glimpse of what was important to the writer and what they were like as a person. It got me thinking about personality and how much we subdue our true selves in places where we really shouldn’t. I know this to be true because there is nowhere you should be putting a wet flannel on your personality to please the needs of others. There are of course places and situations where respect needs to be shown and if you are naturally loud don’t run through the library like a drum kit dancing down a flight of stairs. I am actually talking much bigger than this.
I recently did a rewatch of Ted Lasso and I know this feels like a 360 and the most random subject change ever but I am amazed always by how himself he always is. Fictional or not, it is a magic thing to witness. I think there is a great deal of fear of being accepted. Rejection, when you’re at your highest point of self, is going to sting really badly and that in itself is a reason to be scared, right? That there is a reason to want to be less than one hundred percent yourself, right? WRONG. If you were sat there nodding along with me, I bet you feel like a right silly Sally right now. Look, I won’t lie to you, rejection sucks but the people who reject you aren’t your people.
The one thing that links every single human on this planet is the need for connection. Even if some people think they are fine alone and don’t need anybody, believe me, you need somebody. Not only do you need somebody but you want somebody also. I am blessed with this extraordinary gift called ‘Autism’ that allows me to not care about what people think and to be unapologetically me with little thought or worry, however, I am also lucky enough to understand that it doesn’t come that easy to others.
I also understand what it’s like to be alone and to feel the need for more without knowing what more actually is. It is said that people come into your life when they are supposed to. They leave by the same principle. And there is no fast-forward button or a turn handle with the ability to manipulate time. I am a believer in this. I do not believe I would be in the right mental state or level of maturity to have some of the people I have in my life right now any earlier than I had them.
I believe Sav came along when I needed her the most. Any earlier and the subtle changes we hadn’t yet gone through might have been enough for us not to line up as perfectly as we continue to. In all the dimensions we are in love I am a firm believer we found each other at the exact same time we did in this one. This leaves you with one burning question! Why did I start this newsletter talking about personalities and then waffle on about fate and destiny and all that stuff? Because the right people are going to accept you exactly as you are and you not being who you are doesn’t alter space or time. The terrible experiences we go through still serve a purpose. That is horrible to hear and I am in no way saying go out right now and find some bad times, I am saying let life run as it is supposed to. Stop trying to pull yourself out of your own timeline and instead dig in your wheels and enjoy the ride.
Go to new places. Say hello to strangers. Dance in the milk section at the supermarket and see if anybody joins in. However hopeless you may feel right now I want you to know that I am a true believer that you will be okay. I believe you will find people that can’t get enough of your true self (if you don’t yet have them). Take the weight off and let yourself float for a little while. Be kind to yourself. Good things are coming. And if you close your eyes and slow your breathing and squint your ears (yes I said, squint your ears) you can just about here them coming over the hilltop.
Believe in future is full of nothing but magic
Sav didn’t know this song and there is a chance you won’t know it either. This is a welsh band and I don’t think they had any other hits so be kind. But this chorus was everywhere when I was in school. Enjoy it.
This week instead of extras below I will be sharing a reading of an old poem and critiquing myself. Sign up now to get that in your inbox.
F'ing nailed it with this one man.