Creativity is a strange thing. Strange as in flippant. Because hey! I would like to sleep sometime, creativity. Lately, I have been struggling to sleep. I lay awake as my brain thinks of the nine million ways it cannot. Then there is every moment becoming a poem.

Balance is something I have always struggled with. Physically and mentally I guess. In more realms than one. Sav once threw some socks at me and managed to knock me down like the last skittle before a strike. I am realising in real-time that I have no idea what skittles are other than an offspring of bowling or something my mum used to do on a Thursday night with her sisters when we lived in the danger house. And so much in that last section relates to balance.

The danger house is nothing more than a reference to the house I grew up in. From baby to nine. And it wasn’t awful whilst we lived there. A couple stolen items from our garden, a few break-in attempts and a land mine in the place my dad wanted to start a herb garden. And no, the mine wasn’t live and I did get to meet a real-life army man which at seven years old was pretty bloody dope. Now the house is very dangerous and I am glad we got out when we did. But let’s get back to creativity and balance.

For well-being, we need to learn how and when to let shit go. We need to balance the two sides of our lives and have things that enable us to laugh and have a good time. When we moved to this small village in 1999, for a good few years my mother was a little lost. Being forty minutes away from her sisters and with no driving license and a limited bus service, skittles was no longer part of a Thursday night.

I am learning routine isn’t only good to help my autism but to help me find balance in everyday life. Working from home is tough because you don’t have that physical motion of clocking out or closing a door behind you and you feel as though you’re constantly going. Routine is also different to habit but there are also bad routines. For the first few years in this house, my mum would do nothing but go to work, come home, cook dinner, watch tv and go to bed. We would occasionally go out on weekends but they weren’t regular events. My dad has never been social. He rarely sees anybody. Didn’t then, doesn’t now. He probably sees his family and friends three or four times a year but he could do with more interaction.

It is important for us to find our people. Whether you are a creative person or not, it doesn’t matter. We all got stuff we need to put in the draw and lock away till tomorrow. I have found a routine slows everything in my mind down. Seeing my friends weekly gives me something to look forward to. Poems still wake me up. Designs still keep me awake sometimes but better is better and sometimes the better is a better better. Now say that fast five times. That’s your weekly mantra. With ADHD, my life is just a long stretch of discovery for something that stops that feeling of being a wasp in a china cup. I consider it a positive when that cup is a glass and even more of a positive when the cup is lifted entirely.

Balance. Whatever cars are on the circuit of your brain, siphon their petrol and bring them to a halt. If you have a song or a poem in your head, leave a little notebook by the side of your bed. Write those notes out. If you got a presentation for your job tomorrow, breathe, you got this. You’ll kill it even more when you’re refreshed. Go outside. Tell a tree you like the way it shakes its leaves. Tell the sky it’s looking extra blue today. Put the phone and the work folder down. Read a book. Take a bath. Find a friend and invent a new sport. I aim for twenty minutes of reading a night. I listen to a new record. I take a bubbly bath. And it works.

What calms you down? What routines do you have? If the answer is none, that’s okay. But if you’re struggling maybe try and develop some. Knowing where to be and when to be there is a great feeling. My autism likes it especially. And for all the skittle fans out there, I’ll get to researching and actually figure out what it is.

We are all dead

Wow! Where do I even start talking about this project? We are all dead is a project I started two years ago and since then it has gone through a lot of transitions. It is all about death and loss and coping and coming out the other side still human. It is a poetry project but it is also a full-on design project. Firstly it is massive. A 21cm x 21cm square. Secondly, it is full colour throughout. Thirdly, this time around I didn’t get Sav’s help with the art, this one is entirely me. My designs, my drawings and my words. Here is a look at the front and back cover. More info super soon.

Share mind noise

This also weirdly feels fitting alongside We Are All Dead.

Until next time, homies. Peace and love.

Leave a comment